Non-Agression Pact Is Only Aggressive Toward Canada

Russia and the United States of America have come together to renew a non-agression pact that seeks to create a new world peace by dividing up the Canadian portion of North America. Known as “The Great Handshake”, the move allows Russia to regain a foothold on the continent.

Bat For Lashes Confesses “Laura” Origins

Bat For Lashes’ song “Laura” is used for haunting moments in television. Known for its raw emotion, the song was used during Australia’s hit TV show Wentworth following the death of the main character. This was the last song written by Bat For Lashes’ singer/songwriter Natasha Khan for the album. She reluctantly recorded it having grown tired of writing piano ballads.

U.S. “Democrats” Announce Shocking Presidential Nomination

Washington D.C. The U.S. public was shocked today to learn who may be in the running for next president. To combat their reality stardom of Donald Trump, the Democratic Party has found a rock star to be their next champion.

Donald Trump Targets Tim Hortons

Washington, D.C. POTUS Donald Trump has once again taken to Twitter to voice his concerns over foreign invaders. This time Trump has his eye on Canada. To make good on his promise, Trump eyes a new border for his wall.

2016 Weight Loss Cure: Fabistula®

Washington, D.C. A new weight loss device was presented today at a news conference, that is poised to change the world of weight loss forever. Preceded by the highly popular LAP-BAND® and gastric bypass surgeries, the Fabistula is designed for those who want to lose body fat, but not deprive themselves of full flavoured meals.