“Am I a polyamorist?” is by far the most frequent question we receive from our fans at 3 Men 1 House. While we can’t directly answer this question for you, here are some questions you might want to ask yourself.
Why do you think you are polyamorous?
Polyamory is more than just having sex with as many people as possible. If this is what you are looking for, you are sexually adventurous, but not necessarily poly. Poly people are searching for genuine connections with individuals. Relationships within a poly group may or may not include sex. This depends on specific boundaries set up within the relationship(s).
Are you dissatisfied with your current relationship?
This is a common misconception amongst people who are considering polyamory. Adding new people to your relationship makes it more complicated and in no way solves existing relationship problems. If you are considering another partner, ensure it is one that adds to your relationship. In a perfect world they are someone who affects all members of the relationship in a positive way.
Do you need more support?
Needing more support in your life is definitely an avenue toward polyamory. Remember that even if you need more support in your life, new people in your relationship are going to require your support too. Do you currently have the resources and energy to support more people in your life?
Do you think having more people around will be more fun?
Yes, having more people around can be more fun. New partners may bring along additional venues for you to have a good time. New partners are also fully fledged individuals in their own right. Not only do they make your life more fun, but they can also cause conflicts that could arise with yourself or your current partner. As often as you are keeping the party alive, you may also be mediating disputes between other people.
Do you experience compersion?
Compersion may be one of the most important parts of being polyamorous. Compersion is the opposite of jealousy. Do you think that you might be capable of watching your partner be in love with another person? This does not mean that jealousy does not occur even with those that experience compersion. Jealousy can exist for a variety of reasons as simple as your new partner and your current partner bond over a show that you don’t like. You may feel excluded; however, feelings are not facts.
Polyamory is like any other non-traditional relationship. One must come to terms with many different emotions before moving forward. If you are unsure about your own poly feelings, or are having issues within your own poly relationship, please reach out to us at 3men1house [at] gmail.com.