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U.S. “Democrats” Announce Shocking Presidential Nomination

Washington D.C.

The U.S. public was shocked today to learn who may be in the running for next president. To combat their reality stardom of Donald Trump, the Democratic Party has found a rock star to be their next champion.

A small crowd drew this morning to hear Democratic spokesperson Charlene Semmeroa deliver the news that has left many on Capitol Hill confused. The event was announced only five minutes before, leaving only a fortunate few to be present for the news.

“Republicans be damned,” Semmeroa called to the crowd from the podium, “You deal out a Trump, and we will raise you a Courtney Love.”

Semmeroa’s words were met with tepid applause. A murmur buzzed throughout the whole crowd as Love stumbled from behind Semmeroa and toward the podium.

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Love, born in 1965, had her initial major success in the early 1990s.

“Fuck man,” Love began to a few shout outs from the crowd, “I have wanted to be in this position for a long time… we have a dick in the office now… now it’s time for some Hole.”

Love raised one fist in the air toward the crowd as she bowed her head. It seemed as if she were on a Coachella stage performing. Many around this reporter were in disbelief. The crowd was unable to ask any questions of Love, as she was swept away by guards immediately after speaking. Semmeroa’s office has issued a statement that there will be a formal news conference at the beginning of next week.

Courtney Love: musician, actress, and now politician, represents a more representative candidate of the post-baby boom generation. Love, born in 1965, had her initial major success in the early 1990s. Many in their 30s and 40s grew up with her in the spotlight. One wonders if a reality star replete with scandal could be president, why not a female version?

@fictitiousnews

 

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