April 1, 2016
New documents produced by the World Intelligence League (WIL) prove that Donald Trump not only has provided funds for ISIS training facilities, but that he has served as a figurehead for a secretive interim government.
“No one asked him to come. In fact, we asked him to leave. He just kept upping his contributions until we said fine, as long as you shut up already.” Commander Judesh texted from an untraceable number.
Trump, while pushing the envelope of good taste, reasonability and morality in the United States, ISIS supporters know that it’s bravado. Like a Roman emperor, Trump is creating the conditions necessary for an invasion: divided public, lies concealed as facts, and an irreparable international reputation. Many are interested to see how the former United States will reorganize itself into separate countries once Trump is in power.
“In Canada, we have had several referendums regarding the constituent provinces of Canada. There has never been a separation, although, we were never dealing with an issue as culturally devastating as Donald Trump.” stated Graeme DeGoulais, political correspondent. “Soon there may be more than three countries in North America. We may be looking at a return to the former Native American organization of North America. Disparate and culturally different, these cultures existed together in arguably better configurations than the globally destructive modern world.”
U.S. Trump supports baulk at the idea that their intended leader could be embroiled in an a war of terror against US citizens. WIL has developed an education plan regarding the interconnectivity of the United States and Middle Eastern politics. Part of the package will include a copy of Fahrenheit 9/11, one part of the puzzle that points to US leaders regarding their citizens as an agricultural crop that yields money.
Investigators are hot on the trail of Donald Trump, who has fled his mansion. The public is asked to watch for Donald wherever racism, homophobia and (white collar) recidivism abound. Those are his people.
Happy April 1st, from Fictitious News. We celebrate every day of the year.