My big brother is one of my best friends. He is incredibly supportive of my decisions, though always has questions about how the triad works. I thought I would share some of his questions for other poly-curious people.
1. Where does everyone sleep?
Edward and I share a bed, as we have for many years. When Charles moved in, he got his own room in the basement. He still sleeps down there for two reasons:
a. He is an incredibly fitful sleeper.
b. The our bed is not big enough for three (tried it already).
Since we all keep different schedules, this arrangement has worked out well thus far. The goal, of course, would be to all be in one bed in the future.
2. So what’s your type?
My brother prefaced this with the list of significant others he has met. He remarked that they were all very different people. I explained to him that I tend to get involved with people that bring something different to the table. While I may find certain physical characteristics more or less attractive, I never really chose partners based on that criteria.
3. So, doesn’t everyone get jealous?
Yes. Everyone on this planet at one time or another experiences jealousy. Polyamorous people are still people. I find that expecting your partner to share their attention with others goes a long way to quell jealousy.
4. Does this just work because you’re gay?
He remarked that it must be easier living in a house that’s all men. While this can be true in some cases, it is also often not the case. I reminded him that I had been in other polyamorous relationships before, and that often those relationships ended because of circumstances unrelated to polyamory. Gauging how well a relationship worked is definitely on a case by case basis.
5. But your boyfriend is… how much younger?
14 years younger than myself, 9 younger than Edward. The interesting part of my relationship with Charles, is that we obviously experienced the 1990s – today with very different perspectives. Because of this we relate less on a pop culture level, which focuses our relationship on the “realities” of life – not the latest celebrity gossip.
6. What does everyone’s parents say?
This is a complicated answer since it is three fold. Firstly, I have not broached the subject in a formal way. Polyamory is not unknown to them from the 70s, and I don’t feel there would be bountiful benefits from disclosing the intricacies of our relationship. I have a strong suspicion they know. Edward’s family does not know. Charles’ entire family knows.
7. Do you think you’ll want to add more people?
I think this question is similar to asking a parent if they want more children. Of course everyone is tired, but if it happened, everyone would adapt.